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Charles Nelson Reilly: Some people got Paul Lynde, we got her. (on Brett Somers)

Fannie Flagg: I have very bad eyesight. I didn't know I was a little girl until I was ten.

Fannie Flagg: You hear about Charles? He's a born again Christian Dior.

Gene: I've never seen tattooed shorts. Have you?
Brett: No, and I've seen it all.
Gene: You older women have.
Brett: Yes, 'cause we've been hanging out with older men!

Charles Nelson Reilly: (Pointing to a card pinned to his chest) It's my family crest... it's 3 roaches running rampant on a contact paper.

Brett Somers: You know I haven't been well. And you know I moved, right? And you know that I've had minor surgery. I have 3 children... I'm a mother, I'm a woman alone. And I stopped smoking a year ago and I don't drink anymore, I've given everything up - now you've all got to take pity on me for this answer.

Charles Nelson Reilly: After so many years of sitting up here, looking down at some of the most beautiful women in the world, I have become a roots expert.
Fannie Flagg: It's better to have dark roots than no hair at all.

Gene: Some states don't require [a blood test when you get married].
Brett: Oh, well that makes it nice for you, Fannie.
Fannie: May I say something? For a woman who's been married so many times and had so many blood tests that she is anemic, how dare you!
Gene: (to Brett) You are dealing with a writer here, who writes her own material.

Gene Rayburn: The one who is the least dumb will be the winner.

Brett Somers: You know he's here, but can you reach him? (on Charles Nelson Reilly)

(a question about a doctor that was a postal worker - when the baby was delivered, he stamped it ____ )
Brett: This baby looked not unlike Charles - so they said "return to sender".
Charles: What they said when Brett was born in Maine - "this end up".

Fannie Flagg: Before I answer, I'd like to remind Brett that it's time to take her pill.

Brett Somers: I love it when Betty White turns into a female dog, if you know what I mean.

Brett Somers: (When answering a question about a woman with large blanks)
Well, you know me... I'm no Fannie Flagg.

Gene: Show us your heart.
Brett: Would you settle for a boob?

Gene: Can you tell me what epiphany is?
Charles: I don't know, but I haven't had one since junior high school.

Gene Rayburn: I'm a square peg in a square hole.

McLean Stevenson: I tell you, I'm really not what you'd call into your basic kink, even though we do live in Hollywood, which is a little bit like living in a box of granola.

Fannie Flagg: Brett recommended a Chinese restraunt to me and I went to it last night, and I got a fortune cook and it said, "Best wishes to you in '69". from Match Game '74

Charles: I never go to pornographic movies.
Gene: Why?
Charles: 'Cause its not any good to see someone have more fun in an hour and a half than you've had in a lifetime.

Gene: (reading a question) Brett said, "I just saw Fannie Flagg's IQ score, and I want to tell you, her IQ is the same as her...
Contestant: Bottom.
Fannie: I'm not that intelligent.
(later)Just because Brett is still in a training bra...

Nipsey Russell: She's wearing her Biblical gown - lo and behold!

Betty White: Do you get the impression that Brett's summers are fading into fall?

Gary Burghoff: I may not have the answer, but I have all the songs.

Brett: (about Charles) I love to see him die!
Gene: Isn't she a mean broad?

McLean Stevenson:You know, the thought just occurred to me that if all those folks out there in television land live long enough, and have enough patience, they, too, will be celebrity guests on this star-studded show.

McLean Stevenson: (during his time as a host of The Match Game) Paul said "Things are getting too kinky. Today-"
Things can't get too kinky, let's get another question.

Gene Rayburn: (on Brett) She's reluctant to give her opinion on almost any subject.

Gene: Did you get what you want for Christmas?
Fannie: No, I still have to share the dressing room with Brett.

McLean Stevenson: I just want it to be noted by America that I am not just interested in pretty girls, I am also supportive of men of the cloth.

Charles: You know, the producers don't know this, nobody- the writers don't know this, you don't know this, nobody knows this but me. Yesterday was the first time in the history of this show where we did not have a bonus round. Because we had two tie offs, so we never had a bonus round. I mean, just to show you that I'm interested, and I'm concerned and committed, like some of the people aren't over there, that that is very interesting. I'll go to my grave remembering that exciting moment.
Gene: You keep saying that you'll go to your grave, but you ain't going.
Brett: If only he would!
Gene: Promises, promises.

Gene: We'll never get rid of her, Charles. (about Brett)
Charles: I'm afraid so, but about renewing, I don't know...

Joyce Bulifant: See how smart I am?

Brett: (to Gene)You know what Charles said? The reason you sneezed is that you're allergic to jailbait.

Jack Klugman: (answering a question involving something you squeeze) In a way, she's right - you squeeze a girl, you squeeze my wife - or you squeeze a lemon. It's all the same!

Jack Klugman: (two people answer 'wrinkles') These people must have spent a lot of time with my wife.

Charles: Do you know how many Californians it takes to change a light bulb?
Gene: How many?
Charles: One to hold the bulb, one to turn the ladder, and three to share the experiences.

Richard: Do you have any nude pictures of yourself?
Jo Ann: No.
Richard: Would you like to buy some?

Brett: (talking about her 'Shirley Temple' dress sleeves) They're supposed to be limp - some things are supposed to be limp, you know!

Richard: Just a little humor!
Gene: Yeah, very little.

McLean: (talking about Kenny Rogers)... did a special in Steamboat Springs, Colorado.
Gene: Right. Oh, yes.
McLean: Got a lot of cowboy stuff. Changed my life. I spit now, talk dirty, do everything I want to.
Gene: Just 'cause you met Kenny Rogers?
McLean: Just 'cause I got the outfit. When I was at the Palomino Club Friday night, I beat the daylights out of a sissy in the parking lot. It was the best time I ever had in my ilfe.
Gene: (asking a question about a party) Did you go to that same party?
McLean: No, sir, I don't go to those kind of parties anymore, now that I'm a cowboy.
Gene: Right.
McLean: We just drink a lot and beat up sissies.
Charles: My back still hurts, too.
Gene: If he tries to touch you again, you let me know. I'll protect you.
Charles: They need a light in that parking lot!
McLean: Of course, there are some guys we're not too sure about, so we don't go too hard on them.